Between 2012 and 2013, my dad, grandma, and grandpa passed away. Obviously, this was a huge stress on my family, and I took on more responsibility than I had my whole life.
Whenever I was sad or overwhelmed, which was a lot that year, I would eat way beyond the point of feeling full. I did it to make myself feel better; it was totally a coping mechanism. Eating fatty, delicious foods made me happy, and I didn’t care about the consequences.
Before my family went through that tragic time, I weighed somewhere around 270 pounds. That was probably a result of not working out and eating fast food or dorm food, like macaroni and cheese and pizza. It didn’t help that my boyfriend of three years also loved to eat. Our relationship to each other was about as unhealthy as our relationship with food. We relied on each other for everything and didn’t really have our own social groups or lives. Since I ate to deal with the loss of so many of my family members and dated someone who never saw a problem with that, I put on 50 pounds over six months.
Around the time of my grandma’s death, I also found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me. I realized that way too much of my life depended on him. I looked at myself in the mirror and was upset that I was overweight, alone, and so unhappy with myself. I thought, “Okay, if I don’t love myself right now, how am I going to find a guy who will?” At the time, I weighed 320 pounds.
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